Thursday, December 17, 2009

Off the Phen!

I am officially off the phentermine.  It was great, gave me a jump start, but that's NOT how I want to lose weight.  Being afraid to exercise because my heart rate is too high?  Nope, not working for me.  So, I talked to the doc, weaned off and I am officially done.  I am going to wait a week or so until it's totally out of my system to really crank up the cardio though!  

I know it's been awhile since I've posted, but I am still here, still working.  I finally broke back into Onederland :)  I am hoping for the holidays to at least maintain and then kick it back into high gear after the 1st.  Not like a New Years Resolution type thing, but as a "I think Rick and I are going to Vegas in February and I want to fit into that little blue dress I wore last year thing" :)  


Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Beginning to Exercise Again!

Beginning to exercise again.  I have a love hate relationship with exercise.  Once I "get into it", you know, begin a routine, do it every day, and start to see results, then of course I love it.  It's getting to that seeing results part that sucks.  Last spring, I was down to my lowest weight in almost 10 years.  I was at 177.  Then I broke my damn foot.  I know, excuses, excuses, blah blah blah.  I keep thinking, "Where would I be if I hadn't broken my foot?  Where would I be if I still broke my foot but kept my eating on track?"  Ah, there is no easy answers, only today that I can move on and keep trying.

I have been a little nervous to start exercising again since I started taking phentermine just because I have heard that so many people have troubles with rapid pulse, etc.  I have been feeling great since I took it.  I wired up my heart rate monitor and hit the treadmill.  I know, treadmills are sort of boring, but I have a special treadmill treat!  I am not a huge tv fan, but there are a few shows I like.  Most are cop shows I watch with my husband.  My guilt pleasure, shhhhh, don't tell anyone, is Desperate Housewhores.  I mean Desperate Housewives.  HAHAHA!  I love that show!  Watching those gorgeous skinny women keeps me chugging along like you wouldn't believe!  I have the first few seasons on DVD and I am into season 3 now.  I NEVER let myself watch it on tv, never seen it once, and I can ONLY watch it on the treadmill.  

Anyway, back to starting with phen again!  I found that I had to be VERY careful or my heart rate went way too high.  According to all the date I put into my heart rate monitor (height, weight, age, and a resting heart rate test) my absolute maximum heart rate should be 181 BPM (beats per minute).  To lose weight, I should be exercising a minimum of 6 hours a week.  My heart rate monitor works with three zones.  Zone 1 is 109-126 BPM, Zone 2 is 127-144 BPM and Zone 3 is 145-163 BPM.  I should spend a little more than half of my time in Zone 2, and the rest in Zone 1.  Right now, to lose weight, I should avoid Zone 3.  Normally, a nice brisk 4.0 MPH (miles per hour) on the treadmill keeps me right at the upper end of Zone 2.  Now, with taking the phentermine, I need to stay under 3MPH to keep my heart rate there.  Interesting, and concerns me a bit, but I kept it down.  I was surprised because I really don't think my pulse had increased with taking the phen, but it's a common side effect that I am keeping a very close eye on!  I HIGHLY recommend a heart rate monitor to anyone taking phentermine.  Very useful tool to keep a close eye on your health.

So, I walked on my treadmill yesterday, and Conor (my middle son) and I did his paper route this morning.  40 minutes, 404 calories!  WOOHOO!  I know my heart rate was in Zone 3 for a lot of it because there are a couple big hills on our route.  It feels good to be on track again.  I am hoping that I will once again start going to the YMCA after Thanksgiving.  I know when I get into the routine of going there every day, I succeed so much faster.  Anyway, I decided I would start logging in all my HRM stats on a Facebook photo album, and anyone that wants to peek at them can see them here:
I just take a photo with my cell phone and upload it straight to Facebook when I am done exercising.  Gives me a nice record of what I did!  And keeps me accountable!

I do not want to be on the phentermine forever.  I am only using it temporarily to get my eating back under control. I am trying to use this time to work again on portion control and getting back into my good exercise habits!  My weight has gone up and down this week, but I really am not sure I lost anything.  My friend and I are doing Wednesday weigh ins, so I will try to check in here then!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

A Full Week In And.....

I am feeling great!  I was 203.2 today.  Not as much of a loss as I'd hoped for in my first week (a total of 3.4 pounds) but I am damn grateful for those 3.4 pounds!

I feel SO empowered to have my eating under control.  I feel like I am eating like a normal person.  I have a lot of guilt issues surrounding food (mostly overeating then kicking myself for it....I am sure many of you can relate) and it feels SO good to look back at my week and know that I ate the best I could, that I made all over pretty good choices and that I am hopefully building good habits that will carry over when I stop taking my phentermine.  

I had a fairly stressful week, and normally when I am stressed, I overeat or don't eat enough.  This week though, food wasn't part of the equation.  Hard to explain, but it's almost like the emotion has been taken out of food for me.  That isn't quite what I mean, but it's the best I can put into words.  

More soon!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Just Checking in

Ah! Sunday mornings! I love them. Everyone at our house is so relaxed and refreshed. We have a crazy busy week ahead of us, but that is the norm when you have a house with three teens!

I have been on the phen since Wednesday, but I started cleaning up my eating before that, and I am really starting to feel the effects. I've been eating SO good. I think the cholesterol screening pretty much scared the shit out of me, and so I've been an angel with my food! I also started taking my vitamins again. I take an obscene amount of vitamins and supplements to be totally honest.

After several years of being on just about every diet, every exercise plan, ever diet pill, I've done a lot of research. I know what makes MY body tick. Yours is different, and I can't advise what you should take, but I know how my body functions best. I know how to lose weight. I know how to be healthy. I just have aforementioned mental issues that hold me back. I have to overcome those.

But, more about supplements. Over the years, I have read a lot of books on medicine, health, weight loss and fitness. I take a lot of things that I have learned I am lacking due to restricted diet and the fact that our soil just doesn't have the minerals and vitamins in it that it used to have. Also, thourgh cooking, freezing, etc food loses a lot. So, I try to put it back as best I can. I take extra fiber because when I do, it really helps my IBS, and fiber is good for you to help clean out your system and lower your cholesterol. I take fish oil supplements. I think everyone has heard how awesome these are for you! Someday I will list everything that I take, but I think most people would be shocked and I don't want to freak you out. LOL! Let's just say that it works for me :)

Anyway, side effects from phenterime. Well, Wednesday was my first day so that makes 4 full days on it. I am quite sure that if anything bad was going to happen, it would have by now. My side effects are actually awesome ones.
  1. I am never hungry. I have to make myself eat. I can see how someone who didn't know anything about food or nutrition would take this and go for days barely getting any food. It's a dangerous thought. I have heard the noise of my stomach grumbling, but felt nothing. It is hard to explain but it was more like I could hear it growling, does that make sense? I felt no hunger pangs and my brain sure wasn't telling me to eat! I have been trying to eat every 4 hours just because, through my research, I know that this is how my body functions best and loses weight.
  2. Speaking of weight, in the four days I have been on it, I have lose 3 pounds. Very nice. Understand though, the medicine itself doesn't make you lose weight, what you do or don't put in your body does. This medicine has given me the control and will power to decide what goes into my body!
  3. I have noticed that I feel colder than normal. This is a joyous thing. Most overweight people would agree with me I am guessing. When you are carrying around an extra 30,50,90 pounds, you are always warm. You have this disgusting laying of blubber insulating you all the time and always feel hot, damp, sweaty. Disgusting. I have noticed that I am acutally chilly and have been losing actually snuggling up with blankets!
  4. I am thirsty for water. Specifically water, not just "thirsty". I am loving this one! I know that I normally don't drink enough, so this is another fabulous benefit.
  5. One weird one, and I am keeping a close eye on it. About once or twice a day, I get a weird sensation in my cheeks like they are numb. It's a minor irritation, and it's not constant, and with the benefits I am seeing, one I will gladly take.
Other than those 5, I really haven't noticed anything out of the ordinary. Blessedly, I haven't had jitters, crankiness, or any of the more serious side effects that other have reported. I am hoping that this will finally be what I need to get control of my weight back once and for all. 40 will be here April 3, and I want to look and feel amazing on that birthday!!!

Happy Sunday and have a great week!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Cleaning Up My Act

I know that this phentermine is not a magic pill. Oh, wouldn't that be great if it were? LOL! But, I know it's not. I know that I need to clean up my act. I need to clean up my eating. I need to clean up my alcohol consumption. I need to clean up my refrigerator. I need to clean up my pantry. I am not going to talk about exercise here. Of course I need to do that, but I can't conquer it all in a day or I will fall.

Hell, for all I know, this pill is a placebo, but it's giving me the desire to get it together, and that's huge for me. I don't know why I have been so lazy, helpless, falling into my old habits as I always have. I think I know, but it's too emotional and heart wrenching to even think about, much less write for the world to see, but let me just say, we all have issues, right?

Anyway, this week I cleaned out my fridge. I filled it with a rainbow of things. Lots of berries, fresh veggies, eggs, lean turkey, apples, Fage yogurt and got rid of the junk. You know, junk. Low fat cheese (the low fat stuff is filled with so many preservatives and chemicals that it not only tastes bad, it's horrible for you!) I've been doing a lot of reading on nutrition.... (HERE'S MY SHOUT OUT TO MY AWESOME FRIEND MECHELLE WHO BOUGHT ME THE BOOK "Master Your Metabolism" By Jillian Michaels. This book is a wonderful resource on what not to eat and what to eat. Thanks again, Mechelle for being the wonderful friend and inspiration that you are in my life!!!!)

So, as I was saying, I've been reading a lot about nutrition and it boils down to the stuff that I already know, but I love how simply Jillian Michaels puts it, "If it grows from the ground or has a mother, it's probably good for you." I know that when I cut out processed foods full of chemicals and go back to eating 100% whole grains, organic foods when possible, fresh fruits and veggies and eggs and lean meat, especially lots of fish, I lose weight insanely quick. So here I am again!

I also started taking my vitamins again! When I am "on my game" I take several supplements daily. Trying to get my body back in whack and cutting calories is good, but I will take any help I can. I really hate taking supplements, but I know that when I do, I feel better, sleep better, my skin looks better and they help my over all health. My skin has been just horrible lately. I am almost 40 and I look like a 16 year old boy! UGH! I take a wide range of supplements including a multivitamin, a fish oil supplement, calcium and extra fiber. I have one of those neato pillboxes that you fill up for the week. I feel like my mom, but at least mine is full of vitamins, while hers was full of prescriptions that were all somehow related to her obesity. (Diabetes, heart medicines, etc.)

So, I am feeling good today! I haven't experienced any negative side effects from the phen yet, so that is a big bonus :) I am also logging my food again. I highly recommend the program from I love it! It has a wide base of foods, but also lets me add my own custom foods, and keeps track of my weight, measurements, goals and more.

Signing off for now, but as always, there is hope ahead. My wish is that you see that hope, cling to it and make a change for the better for you today!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Phenterimine Day 1!

Okay, took my first pill about 3 hours ago.

Waited one hour for breakfast then had a bowl of Weight Control Oatmeal made with skim milk and a banana.

I am journaling my food again so that I can keep an eye on my calories and my cholesterol intake. I always lose weight when I journal my food. Why the hell do I ever stop?

Anyway, I feel okay. I feel a bit jittery like I had too much coffee, but it's not entirely unpleasant....

I am a little nervous about everyone telling me that people tend to have anger issues with this. That scares me....

EEEEK! The Importance of Seeing Your Doctor

I am obese, but I feel good so I never really worry about going to the doctor. Well, the nurse practitioner I saw wanted to run several tests before I started my phentermine. They checked my thyroid, that was fine. They did a blood panel and my white cell count was fine. My kidneys were fine. My EKG was fine. Everything was fine up until we go to my lipids or cholesterol....

My triglycerides........... 96. Should be below 150.


My HDL (good cholesterol) 74. Should be above 40.


My LDL (bad cholesterol) 151. Should be below 100.


Should be below 100. Eff, eff, eff, eff. I am borderline high risk.


My doc called me tonight and told me that she wants to see what happens with the phen and will retest my cholesterol in 3 months...........

So, while all in all, the test results were good, I am upset about this. I have a new worry now, one I've never had before. Bah humbug.

BUT, at least now I know, and it's up to me to change it. I got up this morning and took my first dose of phentermine so I am on the correct road for change I hope! I will let you know how my first day goes. I am starting with the 30 mg dosage...

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Getting a Little Help Along the Way....

Ah blah. Ever feel like that? I have been bouncing back and forth for so many years, I finally decided to ask my doctor for help. Actually, I have asked my doctor twice now about getting some help with my weight, and he has just said, "No, you have to eat less and exercise". Really, ya think? UGH. He did not offer anything beyond that. No nutrition counseling, no offer to run a thyroid test, nothing. Just smiled and said I was on my own.

Look, I know there is no magic pill, but I do know that there are prescriptions that can help some people get jump started and get on the right track. All I have been asking for was some help, no a cure all. So, I called my clinic and asked to speak to someone else. I was given an appointment with a nurse practitioner. Well, after waiting for over 2 hours, I finally got to see the nurse practitioner.

Anyway, this woman was a little more open to it. We talked for a long time about the history of obesity in my family, and my reasons for wanting to change. My BMI is about 33 right now. Eeek, very bad. She was not thrilled about prescribing phenterimine, but ended up doing so.

We talked a lot about nutrition and exercise and how a pill alone wouldn't be my salvation. I think she was a little surprised how much I knew about nutrition. She wanted to run a bunch of tests just to rule out anything before I start.

I have been fasting for 12 hours now, and have to leave soon to go for all my tests. She is doing a complete blood panel, a thyroid test, a lipids (cholesterol) test, and a baseline ekg. Wheee, fun day. If all is well, I will start taking the phenterimine tomorrow.

I will be blogging constantly about my experience with this!!!

Monday, October 5, 2009

Change in Plans....

I am not giving up, not by any means, but I have lost weight before, and I know what works best. Not for you, not for the lady down the street, not for the public at large, but I know what works for ME. Cardio, cardio, cardio, clean eating, cardio, cardio, cardio.

P90X is a fabulous system for people, like my friend Julie, who aren't really looking to lose large amounts of weight, but to get their body in the best shape of their life. It is a fabulous program, and one I will definitely be doing hardcore once I get much closer to my goal weight. I have approximately 70 pounds to lose, and right now, for me, for my body, I need to just walk, do the stairmaster, swim, etc. MINIMUM of 1 hour a day, preferably more.

I did the P90X for almost 3 weeks and it was REALLY hard for someone with so much extra weight to do. There were a lot of things that I just plain couldn't do, and while it was okay at first, it got very frustrating.

I am still working out though! Just doing what I know has worked in the past. I just hate that it has to go so slow!!!!!!!!!!! Luckily, it's fall here in Minnesota and I can walk outside for a little bit longer. The other day, me and Rico the Poolboy, as I affectionately call my husband, went for a little 8 mile jaunt. It was awesome!

Here's a little picture of the trail near our house! The view alone was worth working 8 miles!

Saturday, September 19, 2009


WOW. WOW. Did I mention, WOW? I just finished the Kenpo P90X workout. According to Wikipedia, Kenpo is the name of several martial arts. It's a Kenpo karate workout. In reality it is a kick your butt maximum calorie burning marvel!

The workout was perfectly balanced! Just when my legs were ready to give out we switched to arms, and then back and then back. It kept my heart rate up in my zone the whole time. This old lady burned 550 calories in just under an hour according to my handy dandy heart monitor.

I am too pooped to write much more! Tomorrow is my rest day and I am really looking forward to it!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

The Yoga is a Killer!

I am starting to feel the good effects of working out again! I have slept like heaven the ast few nights! Thanks to Advil, lots of stretching and the hot tub, I am really not that sore today. That's not to say I don't feel it, but I can move and I am not in pain like I worried I might be.

So, today, my fourth day into P90X Lean, was yoga. OMG. 1 1/2 hours long. I didn't make it. I had to stop. It was physically so challenging! I only burned about 200 calories according to my heart rate monitor, but let me tell ya, I was sweating up a storm! It was amazing!

Tomorrow is legs, back and abs again. I am really excited! My back is very weak and my abs, well, I am sure they are there under thing ring o blubber I seem to have collected the last four months, but I am sure they are there!!!!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

On the Third day of P90X Tony Horton Gave to Me...

On the third day of P90X Tony Horton gave to me...

Arms made of jello...
Shoulders made with noodles...
Triceps made of rubber...
and abs that are, hmmm, well, just sore!

I figured I better write about day three right away because it's hard to type even now and it's going to be worse later. My arms are just limp. I am sure they will be sore tomorrow, so if you don't hear from me for a few days, it's just because I can't type with my nose very well.

In all seriousness, it was an amazing workout. Not too much, not too little, intense, hell yes!!! Again, they show many variations and ways to do everything.

One thing I also like abut each DVD (I can't remember if I already mentioned this, so if I already did, too bad :p) is that you have several options on how to watch it. Normal, with some music in the background and Tony talking. Normal with no music. Music with minimal talking. Music only or silent. Very cool. If you get sick of his voice, which I haven't yet, he's very funny and motivational, you could change it up. I like having options!

So, day three and I can't say I've lost weight yet, but I am feeling really great about this and about the fact that I am doing something to change my condition.

The opening episode of The Biggest Loser really helped get me motivated. If they can do it, so can I. I am already partial to teams pink and green, but we will see where the season goes!

I can't wait to get back below 200. (Yikes, did I mention I'd crept back up there?) Ya. Barf. 9 pounds to get back to Onderland, folks. I need a mini goal. Hmmmm, I think when I get back down there, I will go get my nails done! They are really bad so I hope it doesn't take long :)

Have a great day! Check my blog tomorrow for my review of P90X Yoga!!!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

I Lived Through the Second P90X Workout!

They call it "Cardio-X" I think the X is latin for the 10th stage of hell. WOW! The workout is 43 minutes and 18 seconds long. According to my heart rate monitor, is took me about 50 minutes because I had to keep pausing to remember how to breathe, take water, and pray my heart didn't explode! Man, I am sooooooooooooo out of shape.

Al of that aside, I loved every second of it. I was sweating so bad I had to towel off several times. Tony Horton is AWESOME! He is so real. I know that sounds lame, but he is just so ordinary. He was doing a move, and lost his balance. He laughed and said something like "It happens to everyone, you don't need to look pretty, just keep moving". He does stress proper form, but he also "keeps it real" by not being perfect. I love that! Most fancy videos would totally take it out and redo it when the trainer fell over or screwed up, and this one doesn't, and I like that. It gives me hope that although I am not perfect I will get better.

I also like that along with Tony, there are three other people doing the workout. 3 different from yesterday's, so I am guessing each one has new people. That's good because I would get sick of looking at the same people every single day.

The four people, including Tony Horton, show different angles and modifications. He also says that maybe you won't even be able to do what those four are doing, but stresses to do the best you can, and keep moving.

I really am liking this system so far!!! I am learning to "bring it" in my own day at a time!!!

The Day After....

I did my first P90X workout yesterday.

Enjoyed it? No, I think not. I am enjoying it even less this morning. I ache in places I can't even see. Ugh.

I haven't done a workout for about 4 months, so I am literally starting over. I know the body aches will take a week or so to go away, I just have to make it through them.

A lot of the moves, actually, most of them, I had already done. I knew our boot camp instructor was a P90X fan, but now I know just how much!

There are many different ways you can do P90X. Classic, Doubles (yes, that sounds like what it says) and Lean. I am doing lean. It doesn't mean P90X light, it's for people like me with more fat to burn, and it has a little more cardio than the regular one.

It is a different workout every day for the first three weeks, then you have a change-up/rest week (not rest, rest, just different exercises to rest muscles) , then it changes again for the next 3 weeks, then another rest week, then another 2 week intensity, another 2 week intensity, then week 13 concludes with a recovery week.

What sold me on this system was the whole muscle confusion. When you do the same stuff over and over, your body gets used to it. Especially my body. My body likes it's padding and does not give it up willingly! This routine changes things so much that it confuses your body. I have talked to many people that have actually done this (not just seem them on infomercials) and all had awesome results. I don't mean some had good results, I mean all had glowing testimonies of amazing weight loss and bodies changing. Several people I know from high school did it before our 20 year reunion, and I know a few people in town, and a few people at our YMCA. Everyone agrees it is horrible, hard, grueling, etc. but I am convinced that is the only way to get to what I want to look like. I have finally realized there is no other way!

Here's what's on tap this week:

Yesterday I did this thing called core synergistics. It was 1 hour of evil. Lots of lunges, push-ups, that sort of thing to wake you up and move your large muscles mass chest through thighs.

Today is a cardio session.
Tomorrow is Shoulders and Arms & Abs
Thursday is Yoga! YAY! I love yoga, but this is scary yoga...LOL
Friday is Legs, Back and Abs again
Saturday is Kenpo (it's a karate/self defense type workout with lots of kicking and stuff)
And Sunday, OMG, I can't wait for Sunday...that is the day you can either skip or there is a stretch DVD. I will do the stretch!

I do this for three weeks in a row, then I have a rest/recovery week like this:

Then next 3 weeks it goes:
Mon : Core
Tues: Cardio
Wed: Chest shoulders & triceps & abs
Thurs: Yoga
Fri: Legs & Back & abs
Saturday: Kenpo
Sun: Stretch

I do that for 3 weeks, then do the same "rest" week as above,

Then weeks 9 & 11 I do
Mon:Chest and Back & Abs
Wed:Shoulders & Arms

Weeks 10 & 13 I do:
Mon:Chest, Shoulders & Triceps
Wed:Back & Biceps & abs
Sun Stretch

Then the final week 13 I do the recovery week again.

There are actually a couple more dvd's that you don't even do in lean. If I have good results I am going to go back and do the classic after I am done with this one. I am tired of "wanting to be hot" and with you all as my witnesses, I am GOING TO BE HOT!!!!!

Now if my Advil would kick in, I could go actually do my cardio for today....

Monday, September 14, 2009

Did first P90X Workout

Oh sweet Jesus. That I have the strength left to type is a miracle. I did the fit test earlier today, and you are actually supposed to do that a few days BEFORE you start. However, you get ONE rest day a week, and I want that to be Sunday. Since I didn't want to wait until next Monday to start, I said screw it and did the first work out today.

It was a doozy! It's an amazing 1 hour routine that includes a great warm up and cool down. What's in between the warm up and cool down however, is grueling. I can easily see how this program is going to kill me, er, I mean whip me into shape.

I am sweating like a pig! I really like how the workout goes though. It is short groups of many different exercises, and they show several modifications for your level. I was a little below the lowest level! LOL! But I trucked on and did the best I could.

According to my heart rate monitor, I burned 423 calories, which is of course much more than I normally burn sitting on my butt for an hour playing Bejeweled Blitz. LMAO!

A special thanks to my friend and weight loss partner, Mechelle, for always encouraging me and sharing my triumphs, lows, victories and everything in between. You are an inspiration to me, girlfriend!

I Passed the Fit Test

WOW! The P90X fit test alone is a great workout! I did pretty good for a fat out of shape almost 40 year old!


Pull-ups: Okay, so this one sucked. I've never been able to do a pull up in my whole life, and today was no exception! LOL It says females should be able to do one however, many people can't do any when starting, so I am okay with that!

Vertical leap: Sys minimum of 3 for a female, and I got 6. YAY ME!

Push-ups: Not my favorite for sure, but it said a minimum of 3 real push-ups for a female, and I did 8 Not sissy on my knees either!

Toe-touch: Not really fair as I am freakishly flexible. Basically, you sit down and put your legs straight out and try to bend over and touch your toes. You should be no more than 6 inches away. I was 4.5 inches PAST my toes.

Wall squats: Oh joy! Minimum of one minute. After 1:45 I started to slide so I gave in to the burn and stopped!

Bicep Curls: Minimum of 10 curls with 8lbs for a female. Hmmmm. I did 25 with 10lbs. I rock!

In & Outs: You sit on the floor and pull your knees up to your chest and then straighten them and pull them back without toughing the ground. I did 40 and then my back started to hurt. It says minimum of 25.

Then there was a heart rate maximizer doing 2 minutes of jumping jacks, with the last 30 seconds being totally all out. The plan is if you don't die during the two minutes, you pass! YAY ME! I am alive!!!!

So, I guess I passed the test. Tomorrow will be my first full day of using their nutrition plan and workouts. Until today I was still debating between doing the P90X classic or the P90XLean. I am (no pun intended) leaning towards the lean because I have more fat to lose, and that is a bigger concern for me right now. It is just a more cardio based and less weight intensive program. My first workout tomorrow witll be the Core Synergistics workout. I am starting to get less "blah" about this and more excited. I need to bring it to see results, so I might as well really let myself go crazy with this!!!

Bring it, baby!!

Better Get Moving!

Well crap. I am looking at the calendar. It is September 14th. In less than 7 months I will be 40. My goal was fat to forty to fab! I have the fat part down! UGH! I am almost 40. The fab part is a little harder to come by.

I was doing so well earlier this year, and then broke my foot in May. (Yeah, I know, I already whined about that.) I used that as an excuse for way too long. I made lots of excuses. They all boil down to Jenny = lazy!!!!!!!!!!

So, here I am again, trying to climb my way back out of this pit. I have let myself fall back over the 200 line yet again. *sigh* Every time I go below it, I claim "never again". Why does it have to be so freaking hard?

So, my plan of attack this time is brutal and drastic. P90X.

Yep. The big leagues.

I have cleaned my pantry.

I have taken my pictures.

I have taken my measurements.

I have read the nutrition plan.

And now....

I am off to do the fit test. RHR, pullups, vertical leap, pushups, toe touch, wall squats, becep curls, in and outs and jumping jacks.

Just thinking about doing the test makes me want to gag. I really really really hate exercise. How is a girl that hates exercise supposed to ever get fit and healthy? I guess I just have to do it and think of it as a nasty chore that I hate. And did I mention I really hate exercise? I'd rather do laundry, and I often tell people that laundry is the bane of my existence. LOL!

Okay, off to do the test. If I live through it, I will let you know how it goes :)

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Fell off the Wagon!

Argh! Why do I do this to myself? I was doing SO good. I was down to 177. Then I went on vacation, and only gained a couple of pounds. I was quite proud of myself. Then I broke my stupid foot, and apparently thought that was an excuse to eat any and every nasty fattening food out there! ARGH!

I am now back up to 196. I feel like my skin doesn't fit. Oh gee, it's just like my clothes. Luckily, I got rid of EVERYTHING weekly as it was too big. So now, I have about 3 things that fit, and I am sick of them. And to make matters worse, Rick's class reunion is in 2 weeks, and I have my yearly get together with my girlfriends in 3 weeks.

Just what did I think was going to happen as I was dousing everything in butter and cheese? I can understand a couple pounds, but how did I let 19 pounds get back where they don't belong! BLAH! I could beat myself up all day, but it won't do any good, so I am just picking up where I left off.

Last night after supper, instead of opening a beer or sitting my butt, I took the dog for a walk. This morning, instead of going back to bed, or sitting on the computer, I went for a one hour power walk. I also did a fridge overhaul and bought lots of fresh veggies, fruit, pitas, shrimp, salmon, etc.

I just get so tired of the fight. I get tired of washing two sets of clothes each day. I get tired of "being careful" with my food. I get tired of seeing others eat whatever they want and stay the same size. I get tired of being at the Y all the damn time just so I can lose 1 fricking pound.

I have yo you dieted so poorly for so many years that I am sure my metabolism is screwed beyond belief. But, I am hopping back up on the wagon again. I will not give up!!!!!!!!!


Monday, March 23, 2009

Mini Goals

Today I want to talk about goals. Sure, I want to wear a size 4. Sure, I want to look smoking hot. Blah, blah, blah. When you are obese, you don't see yourself as thin. You see yourself as disgustingly fat, and seeing your end goal is impossible. It's frustrating, counter productive and if you keep thinking of how much weight you have to lose, you will fall down into a pit of despair and not even try. I know this. I have been there.

But then one day I read about small goals. I am not talking 25 pounds as a small goal. Think smaller. Tiny baby step goals. TINY! When you break your weight loss, your exercise and your diet into little smaller chunks, it's much easier to focus and to wrap your brain around it. I've been doing little tiny baby steps for awhile now, and they add up. I am down 55 pounds. Had I started with "I am going to lose 50 pounds" I never would have done it!

Let's focus on the three main areas - your weight loss, your exercise and your diet, and find small manageable goals within each one.

Let's start with weight loss. Everyone has a different opinion on the scale, and personally, I think you should weigh yourself every single day. People who say "Only weigh once a week" are probably skinny people. For all of us that are overweight, we know that it is all too easy to have a really bad week and pack on five pounds or more! If you weigh yourself every single day, granted, maybe there is some water weight involved, but it keeps you honest and helps you stay on track. Did you eat pizza last night and the scale is up 3 pounds today? Then let your small goal for the day be to eat clean, workout a little longer, and not let that 3 pounds spiral out of control.

What do you weigh right now? For me, I am hovering bouncing back around 180 for a bit now. My goal right now is to get below 175. Note that I am not looking at a HUGE goal. I am not looking at the weight I want to be forever. I am focusing on the weight I want to be VERY soon. I remember not all that long ago that my big goal was to be able to stand on the scale with all my clothes on and be under 200. Obviously I can do that now, and it feels great. I adjust my mini goals as needed. Sometimes it's just a matter of wanting to lose half a pound.

We are going on vacation next week, and I am pretty nervous. I won't be doing my workouts every day, but I will be walking at the amusement parks a lot. I will be eating out a lot, so that makes me nervous too. My weight goal for vacation is to not go above 185. That's five pounds above where I am now. If I can get back from vacation and be under 185, I will be thrilled. 185 is my magic 50 pound number, so this is very important to me.

By setting small weight loss goals and limits for yourself, you eventually will accomplish the bigger goals. Now let's look at exercise mini goals. If you tell yourself, "I am going to work out for 2 hours every day for the next three weeks" chances are you will crash and burn. Take it one day at a time. One workout at a time. I have days where I even take it one song at a time. One mile at a time. One minute at a time.

Plan and prepare are key to success. The night before, make sure you set out your workout clothes, and pack your gym bag. It's so much easier to fail if you do not plan. It's easier to NOT go to the gym, right? But if all your things are sitting out, well, it's just plain easier. Now, let's say you are on the treadmill. I know I can't run five miles, but I know I can run 1 minute. Maybe starting out you can only run ten seconds. Maybe you are stronger and can run for one song on your Ipod. Figure out what works for you to break it down into manageable pieces that you can accomplish.

I used to be only able to walk on the treadmill for 20 minutes at about 3 mph when I started. Now I can do 45 minutes with 2 minute intervals of jogging at 5.2 mph and walking at 4 mph! That's a big difference. But it didn't happen overnight. I built up slowly. Reevaluate your goals as often as you need to do so.

Now let's talk about food. Again, planning is so key. You aren't going to go from existing on McDonalds to eating sprouts overnight. By going WAY overboard, most people set themselves up to fail. Make small goals, small changes. Maybe your goal today is to get rid of five things from your pantry that aren't healthy. Your goal for tomorrow could be to clean your fridge. You can take your food goals in steps. For instance, you could go from full fat salad dressing to light salad dressing to fat free salad dressing to dressing on the side and only dipping your fork into it, to no dressing, just a spritz of oil/vinegar. You could go from 3 slices of cheese on a sandwich down to 2, down to one, down to low fat, down to 1/2 a slice of low fat down to none.

Cutting cheese WAY down in my diet was a huge deal. Cheese was my favorite, and I never thought I could live with out it. I used to put cheese on EVERYTHING! Sandwiches, soups, salads, on vegetables, and more. It was just on everything. I cut to one slice. I changed to low fat. I broke it down. I told myself I would have one sandwich without cheese, and then next time I could have one with it. Funny, I never went back. I told myself one day, "No cheese on your broccoli today." And I never went back. Little by little I cut it out. I do still eat it but very rarely, maybe once every week or two. I do still enjoy a nice piece of pizza here and there, but I don't eat it multiple times a day like I used to do.

So, to wrap up, break it down. Small, manageable goals! You can do this. We are all in this together!!!

Love, laughter and light,
Mrs. ChildFun

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Don't Drown Your Food

Sorry I have been so quiet. It's been crazy. I started YMCA Boot Camp and a new spinning class this week. Last week I wasn't feeling motivated, and had too much on my plate. Enough excuses! I am feeling good again now. Boot camp is really kicking my butt. Like, OMG, dying, barely making it through class burning a billion calories dying. I love every second of it. But, I will talk more about that later! Today I want to talk about FOOD!

Yes, I love food. Hello, have you seen my before pictures, of course I love food. I love to cook. I love to eat. I love to eat out. I used to love complicated dishes with heavy sauces, Alfredo and hollandaise being my favorites. I loved ketchup and mayo. NUMMY! Oh, and steak sauce? My other fav! And cocktail sauce. And cheese. Oh Lord. I used to put cheese on everything because I thought it tasted better. My husband would cringe when he would grill a steak to perfection (he is an EXCELENT cook) and then I would slob sauce all over it. He'd say, "Don't drown your food." I always thought he was a poooper head as my daughter would say. It made it nummier. How could he not understand that?

Well, here we are years later, and I realize, he still weighs within a few pounds of when I met him 163 years ago. (It seems that long...LOL. Actually it's going on 18 years.) He looks amazing. He is not fat like me. And he DOESN'T DROWN HIS FOOD! Hmmm, maybe he is on to something here? He eats meat plain, he doesn't like sauces (except for occasional gravy - no one is perfect) he doesn't use condiments, and he doesn't like cheese on burgers, omelets or sandwiches. Hmmm. Then it hit me....

HE EATS CLEAN!!!!! Omg, it hit me one day when I was reading a little Tosca Reno. My husband eats clean and he doesn't even know it. He eats raw fruits and veggies, lean meat, and hardly any dairy, and yep, no white bread for this dude!

A few years ago, the idea of an omelet without cheese, or a sandwich without mayo would have gagged me. But I made SLOW changes. VERY slow. I went from full fat products to low fat to no fat to plain food that I could enjoy. (Watch your sugar content though. You must read labels!!) I went from regular cheese to low fat cheese to no cheese - it's just extra fat and calories. I went from piling on white sauces to sparingly using red sauces. Subtle changes over the last couple years. Now, I don't WANT cheese on my sandwich. I threw the mayo away because I was the only one that liked it before, and it's been so long since anyone used it, it's more of a science experiment than a condiment! And hummus and tomatoes make a sandwich much tastier than any cheese ever did. You can make changes too. And what's funny, is in the long run, you WILL like it better, and food actually tastes SO much better without all the sauces, creams and crap. And the calories and fat you save. It's insane!

Let's go through a typical meal to see what happens.

Old Breakfast

3 egg omelet with cheese cooked in butter
3-4 slices bacon or link sausage
2 slices white toast with real butter
Orange Juice (big glass)

Ugh, what was I thinking???? That lovely little meal adds up to 1240 calories, 77 grams of fat, (36 of them saturated) and 52 grams of protein. All by 8am. Well no wonder I weighed 235 jiggly pounds. I ate like that all the time!

Now I would have something more like this.

New Breafast

5 eggs white omelet with 1 tablespoon ground flax seed & 2 cups raw mushrooms cooked in a drizzle of olive oil.
1 1/2 cups fresh strawberries or raspberries
1 slice Ezekiel bread with a teaspoon of sugar free preserves or honey
1 cup green tea

Notice, this is actually MORE food. But, it's only 360 calories. We saved 880 calories!!! It is also only 7 grams of fat, with only 1 gram saturated, it has 12 grams of fiber, and 28 grams of protein. (You should never have more than 25-30 grams of protein at a time - your body cannot process it and guess what happens to calories your body can't process? THEY TURN INTO FAT !!!!!)

Now, if I had the first breakfast one day, and the second the next, it probably wouldn't taste great. Eating clean can take time to adjust to. Maybe jumping full force works for some people, but making gradual changes not only allows you to adjust, but your family as well. I have stopped buying white bread for instance. It was VERY gradual. They survived. They didn't even notice when I bought sugar free jelly. And when the sugar bowl was replaced with Stevia packets, they didn't mind. Your family will adjust too. I hear a lot of people say "Oh my husband would freak if we ate like that." Well, if you change things slow, they won't really notice. By the time they figure it out, you will be able to point out to them how much healthier they are. I have seen my boys go from borderline chubby, to lean and trim athlete types! What a gift I have given them to not go into adulthood as an obese person! I feel like the best mom in the world! As Flylady would say, take baby steps! But, more about food.

Let's look at a poor drowned sandwich I used to love. Bologna, american cheese, white bread and mayo on one side, butter on the other. (It gags me to even think that I used to like that....)

643 freakin calories. Ewww. That's not to mention the cheetos or some other crap I would have eaten with it. And washed it down with a coke to boot. Barf. Easily a 1000 calorie lunch.

Now a typical lunch would be some tuna, some sprouts and some hummus tucked into a pita bread. An apple. A dish of some fresh veggie like 2 cups of cauliflower, and a large glass of water, plus a cup of tea with honey in it. (I can forgo desserts usually, but tea with honey in it is my treat now.)

305 little butty calories, and twice the food! And only 6 grams of fat and 11 grams of fiber! Again, start with skipping the mayo and adding a slice of tomato or hummus. Switch from white to wheat. Switch from bologna to chicken or turkey. Baby baby steps!

Over the course of time, you will not want the condiments. I just ate a piece of salmon that I grilled last might. No seasonings, no sauces, no anything. Just the smokey flavor of the grill. It was beyond decadent. I used to eat piles of potatoes with gravy and butter. Today I had a sweet potato I cooked in the microwave, just plain, mashed up. I reveled in the texture and taste with nothing to cover it up!

So, I could go on all day, but I leave you with this. Condiments are hidden calories that you are just globbing on your hips and thighs. Might as well just stick that package of jeans into the top of your jeans and let your muffin top flop because that is where it is going to go! Being aware of what goes into your mouth can be a real eye opener. Start reading those labels and start adding up those hidden calories! You'd be surprised at what a few little changes can add up to in your daily caloric intake!

Love, laughter and light,
Mrs. ChildFun

Monday, February 16, 2009

Nifty Fifty!

I did it! I have officially lost 50 pounds! I added my weight loss ticker above so you can keep track of my progress too.

I stared in amazement at the scale this morning. I wanted to be excited, but in a way, it was just relief. At the beginning, I knew I had a lot of weight to lose, but thinking about 50 pounds, or more, is just too big of a goal.

Along the way, I broke it into smaller goals. All those small goals add up to big goals! But, it's not time for me to celebrate and slip up! I am recommitting myself to eating clean, training and new cardio!

For the first time in a long time, I can see the healthy me at the end of the tunnel! Now, on to the next small goal. I want to be back in the 170's! Let's go!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Taking Pictures to Mark Your Progress & Making Goals for Yourself

As you can see to the right, I have added a slide show. If you click on any of the pictures, it will open it up in a new window to show you more about the photo. They range from 2005 when I started getting out of control and continue to 2006 when I hit rock bottom, or rock fat. Then, onto 2007 when I started making changes, and into 2008 when I started to really push myself to change. I should have some new pictures of 2009 up soon!

I am not real thrilled with sharing my "fat photos". As I get braver, I will post more of the old ones that I took for reference (read that as a sports top and tight shorts). But, it makes me accountable. I can't figure out where I want to go, and stay on a path to get there, without remembering where I have been.

But, remembering isn't enough. You need proof. You need to be able to look back and see what you were. I like to remind myself of how I felt then. (Huge, heavy, tired, un-sexy, unmotivated, lazy, sad, depressed....etc) If you watch all the pictures, you can just see me start to come alive in them. I can tell by looking at the 2005/2006 photos that I was a very unhappy person. But 2008, the smile is real, the fire is back. I look and feel alive! I cannot wait to see what happens in the future!

But, anyway, I know a lot of you are like me, and the worse you look, the more likely you are to yell at the person with the camera "No, don't take my picture" But, it is so important. Own up to your numbers. Your weight, your chins, your clothing size, your measurements or whatever those numbers are, own them, and decide to change.

Write down your measurements. Write down your weight. Write down your clothing size. Now, make goals for yourself. SMALL goals. Right now, my small goal is to be below 185 pounds. I am 185.4. If I get below 185, I will be able to say I have lost 50 pounds. WOOHOO, yeah me! So, that's all I am concerned about right now. Do I want to be 185 forever? Oh hell no. But right now, .4 pounds is what I need to concentrate on. Breaking your weight loss into smaller, more manageable chunks is key to success. I didn't start out saying, "I am going to lose 50 pounds." Nope. I started out wanting to be out of the 230's. At one time, I just wanted to be out of a size 18 jeans. I change my goals too depending on how I feel. I make them small and manageable.

Write them down!!!!! This is important. You need to come back to that and be able to see where you have been! Yeah, I've said this a few times because it is so important. Maybe your goal is to go down a jeans size. Maybe it's to take an inch off your waist. Maybe it's to lose 5 pounds. Maybe it's to run a mile without stopping. But, make a goal. Right now. Go write it down. I will wait.

Okay, now you have a goal. Now, finish reading this and go take a picture. Label and date it and put it with your goal. From day to day, no one sees the changes. But from month to month, year to year, you will be glad you have the comparison. It will help keep you motivated and help keep you on track!

Love, laughter and light,
Mrs. ChildFun

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Working With Friends and Weekly Check Ins

Can you believe we've already been in this challenge 5 weeks? Are you ready for weigh ins tomorrow? What are you doing for a last chance workout? Is your eating in check today?

If you are wondering what I am talking about, I took the advice of nearly every single expert out there, and decided to work out with friends. But, we took it a step father. Me and 33 of my online friends each threw $25 in a pile, and teamed up with partners to try to win it all. We spend the week motivating each other on ChildFun's Diet and Exercise Motivation Boards, we email each other, we connect on Facebook, we send encouragements by text, and telephone. We overloaded ourselves with support and it's paying off! In the first four weeks of our challenge, the 34 of us have lost a total of 183.4 pounds. We've lost an overweight woman! We've lost 2.85% of our weight. To figure your percentage of body weight lost, use this formula:

((IW-AW)/IW) * 100= weight loss percentage

IW=Initial Weight - AW=Actual Weight

We weigh in once a week and keep track of our pounds and percentage of weight lost. It's been a real eye opener. We did this for 10 weeks before Christmas, and I lost 25 pounds! It's so exciting to work with others and to have them support you. This challenge started right after New Year's and goes until March 30th.

We all have different goals and different diets and different exercise habits, but we all support each other. Some weeks some lose, some weeks some gain, some weeks some stay the same. But, it's the thirteen week period that counts. From week one to week thirteen, that's where you see the big changes. In the last challenge, I had weeks where I gained or stayed the same, but over the 10 weeks, I lost 25 pounds, and that is amazing!

As for me, I am excited for weigh ins tomorrow. I worked super hard this week and I think it will show on the scale tomorrow. My scale has only moved up in three weeks and it's been very frustrating. This week I rededicated myself to measuring my food, to journaling it very carefully, and to really taking a good look at my protein intake. According to my guru, Tosca Reno, you shouldn't eat more than 25 grams of protein at a time as any more than that turns to fat. So, I really paid close attention to this too. And of course, worked out. I went to spinning twice and my fitness class twice, and lifted twice, and when I get done with this blog I will be running on my treadmill and then lifting again.

So, what can you take from my rambling? Support, support, support! Talk to your friends, family, coworkers, online friends, schoolmates, anyone, and get a group or challenge of your own going! It is the ultimate motivation. Having someone to be responsible to is a really useful tool!

Anyway, off to my "last chance workout" and the rest of my day. I hope you had a great weekend!

Love, laughter and light,

Mrs. ChildFun

Friday, February 6, 2009

The High Cost of Eating Healthy?

Some friends and I were recently talking about how much eating healthy costs. It's true. A small carton of berries the other day was $5.00! WOW! I could have a whole meal at McDonalds for that much! I will admit, I have seen my food bill go up significantly. Especially since I live in Minnesota and in the winter, fresh produce gets trucked in from South America mostly. It is expensive. And if you want organic food, pretty much double the prices. Cheap, unhealthy food is INEXPENSIVE! You can buy carb filled sugary fatty shit for real cheap! Not only can you get it cheap, but you can get it SUPERSIZED! A family of five can eat at McDonalds for a month on what I spend in groceries in two weeks. It is insane!

BUT, let me put this in perspective for you.....and please, listen carefully.

My mother was overweight (severely obese - like 500 pounds), and she had arthritis (prescriptions), diabetes (prescriptions and blood testing supplies), heart problems (more prescriptions), and a few other prescriptions that I wasn't even sure what they were for...

She had to buy special clothes because she was SO large that they didn't carry her size in stores. Had to order it all and pay extra shipping costs. Special bras. Special shirts. Special pants. Special underwear. She had to buy a special machine to use on her legs to bring the pressure down, and had to buy special socks that were like $300 a pair.

She was so fat that she had trouble walking. She had to buy a cane. Then when that wasn't enough to help her, she had to buy a walker. Then when that couldn't support her weight, she had to buy a wheelchair. And then, when she couldn't handle that, it actually broke because she was so large, she had to buy one of those "scooters". But, she was too fat for a normal scooter, she had to buy a super heavy duty expensive scooter. She spent $3000 on a lift chair because she was so fat she couldn't stand up on her own. She had to buy a new mattress every couple years because she was SO fat that she ruined them.

She had to buy a special toilet partly to support her weight, and partly because she couldn't get down low enough to a regular toilet. She had to have her bathtub removed and get a special walk in shower. She had to pay to have special bars put in the shower to hang onto.

She had horrendous medical bills that even insurance and medicare didn't cover.

She lived with extreme humiliation due to her weight. She was ridiculed and teased behind her back. From the time I was little, people made fun of my mom. And not behind my back either. Growing up with the stigma of an obese parent is worse than you can imagine. It's like having a parent that is an alcoholic. (Gee, I must have hit the jackpot, I had one of those too.) She couldn't fly on a plane or go places she wanted because she was just too fat. She couldn't use most public restrooms. People, I could go on and on and on and on about the things she endured. I debated about using the word endured. Perhaps "brought on herself" would be better.

Yes, it is. She could have changed. She could have gotten help. She chose not to do so. And it killed her.
She went into congestive heart failure at the VERY young age of 70 years old and died within days. It was all because of her weight. She left behind a family that still needed her, and 4 grand children who barely had a chance to know her....

That healthy $5 carton of berries doesn't sound so bad now, does it?

Tromping to the grocery store every 2-3 days to get fresh fruits and vegetables and spending more than I want just doesn't seem so bad...

Really my point is, the high price of the food is worth it. TOTALLY! The costs of high food are NOTHING compared to what happens to an obese person.....

Until next time!

Mrs. ChildFun

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Stuck? Get Unstuck!!!

I keep talking about being stuck and having to change things up. Our bodies are smart. The one sided conversation from our little fat cells goes something like this....

"Oh, so you are going to not give me as much food? Find, take this. 'Kazaam' thunder thighs for you. I will save all your fat, and some extra I borrowed from the fat neighbor kid, and place it all on your thighs."


"Oh, what happened, we worked out all week, and I wasn't expecting it, and somehow you shook off 5 pounds of precious lard? Well, guess what, body? You've been eating the exact same healthy crap, the exact number of calories, and doing the exact boring amount of cardio for two weeks. I know your routine now, and I know the exact amount of energy that you need to use so that we don't lose any more precious, precious fat!!!"

When you eat healthy and exercise, you are a step in the right direction, but there is more to weight loss than that. You need to plan, plan, plan and plan. It doesn't matter which diet you are following. Right now, I follow the principles of clean eating. I need to know that I have healthy food and Whey protein in my house at all times. I need my fridge stocked with fresh fruit, vegetables and lean protein. I need to know that I have enough eggs, etc. If you don't have the right foods, you will fail.

Now, you settle into a routine, and that is the worst thing you can do to sabotage your success! You need to constantly commit to challenging yourself and changing things up. Normally walk 45 minutes on the treadmill? Try walking 20, jumping rope for 10 and then walking another 15. Or if you are at the gym, jump on an elliptical for 45 the norm? Try 15 on the elliptical, 15 on the treadmill and 15 on a stairclimber. Add in a day (or two or three preferably) of serious weight training. Grab a copy of Oxygen magazine, or go to their website, and you will find lots of fat blasting muscle building routines that can easily be done at home.

And settling into the same routines with food can send you into a stall as well. Eating the same amount of calories every day, at the same time every day, and the same foods every day leads your body into a lull and it becomes comfortable and uses the least amount of calories because it knows what to expect. To fire up the metabolism furnace, shake things up once in awhile. Eat a bigger breakfast, smaller supper. Try new foods. Have one "high" day where you add about 500 calories into your diet, and then back down the next. (Do this no more that twice a week though).

So shake it up somehow! My change this week was to exercise before breakfast. I had settled into a comfy routine, and the weight loss stopped. I have been right about the same for about 3 weeks now. I hope I see a change on that scale at Monday's weigh in. I really am thinking positive that I will.

And remember - when you cheat and eat bad and skip your workouts, you are only cheating yourself. You deserve the best, so give it to yourself! I am by no means an expert, but I want to help as many people as I can! Together, we can do this!

Love, laughter and light,

Mrs. ChildFun

Monday, February 2, 2009

Letting Go...

Ugh. I so didn't want to go work out today. Somedays I feel so energized and ready to rock it, and today so wasn't one of them. I actually went back to bed this morning after the kids went to school. I was totally gong to skip it. But, my husband, God bless him, started snoring, and I couldn't sleep. HAHAH! I am really glad.

I went to the YMCA and went to my cycling class and worked really hard! I felt great after I went, and so I went and did my 100 crunches I made my groupies do. (I have a list of friends on my cell phone that I send daily motivational texts to) And then I hopped on a stairmaster for a little bit. All in all, i worked out for 1 hour and 15 minutes. According to my heart rate monitor (I use a Polar F11 Women's Heart Rate Monitor), I burned about 1300 calories.

While I was working out, I was thinking about my blog and what to say today. I was thinking about how I have said a lot about my mom and guilt, and I wanted to clarify something. I do not blame her, except for maybe the crappy obesity genes she handed down - LOL! When I stopped exercising and going to the Y, that was MY choice. When the doctor wrote the prescription for antidepressants, I am the one that filled it and went and took them. (I am since off of those since I think they contributed to my weight gain, but I don't totally blame them either). I am the one that cooked the meals and ate the food and drank the booze. I have no one to blame but myself! Just wanted to clear that up!

So, I am sort of on a plateau but not really. Stupid scale won't move. I want to see that number move so bad! I love My Fitness Coach! (You can read my review of it here.) I started it last Sunday, and when I used it yesterday, it made me do my measurements all over again. I lost like 6 inches! But I gained a pound. I guess I am proof that a pound of muscle takes up less room than a pound of fat!

Last week I started taking vitamins again (I will go into that in a seperate post). And this week I am going to really concentrate on journaling my food. I am also trying to shock my bod a bit and shake things up. I know some people like to eat before they exercise and some don't. I've been reading up on it a lot, and there are just a billion opinions out there. I think it's all about what will work for you. I normally get up and eat breakfast, then go to the Y, so I am changing and this week I am going to try to work out BEFORE I eat just to see what happens. It was hard! I was starving by the time I got done. Maybe that will shake it up!

For this week's weigh in, I am up a pound to 189. But, again, I go back to those old pictures, and I don't feel like 189, does that make sense? I need to let go of old guilt and the numbers I guess!

Love, laughter and light,

Mrs. ChildFun

Friday, January 30, 2009

And so it begins....

So where was I? Oh, yeah. 235. Yuck. When I saw that number, I was in shock. I remember when I was younger, and I got up to 160 at around the time I had surgery on my foot, and I felt like a house. So, how did I let myself go to 235??? I guess how I got there isn't as important as the rest of the story. The story of my fighting my way back...

It took me a lot of time to let go of the guilt. I still don't think I have let go of all of it. I still get really paranoid after working out and go to check my phone. I worry about my kids needing me, or my husband, and million other things. Sometimes I take my phone with me. Sometimes I don't. Ya, I have paranoia issues. But, considering the past, I think I am allowed a little.

When my size 18's quit fitting and I was just wearing sweats all the time, I knew I had to do something. A few small changes made a big difference. I have tried many different things over the last 3 years, MANY, MANY things, and I will share the good, bad and the ugly with you. We'll talk about what works, what doesn't and everything in between. What works for me, might not work for you, and vice versa. But, maybe something I say will spark something in you. I hope you find the same spark that I have right now. Let's take this walk together and see what we find.

Let's start with my Weight Watchers review. I did weight watchers BEFORE I hit 235, before my mom died, and before I really got serious. It was on the way UP to 235 that I tried it. Maybe back in 2003 or so?

I have NOTHING but positive things to say about Weight Watchers. Now, I didn't go to the meetings. I was too scared and ashamed to actually go to Weight Watchers meetings, so I can only comment on the online version of Weight Watchers. It was a wonderful tool for me. When I first started, I had no idea about portion sizes or what I needed to eat, or how much or how often. WW was a great tool for learning about portion sizes without needing to know specifics about calories, proteins, carbs and fats.

They make it very easy for beginners. They have a nifty online tool that helps you journal your food. This is the key aspect of the program. To be able to lose weight, you have to be aware of how much you are eating. I have found over and over, in talking to countless people, that once they start journaling, they are absolutely flabbergasted when they realize how much food they are eating.

I know that sounds crazy, but ask anyone who's been down this road. The first step in losing weight and starting the healthy journey is to be aware of what you are doing wrong. WW really helps with that.

They have lots of online support forums to help you learn the system. It's a neat site. The cost got to me, as well as boredom eventually. I am like a 3 year old that needs to be constantly amused. I swear, I am such a pain. I got sick of journaling. I got sick of counting points. I slipped into my old habits. I probably lost 10-20 pounds on WW.

It wasn't the magic key for me, and I quit and gained the weight back. Like I said, it just wasn't for me. I know many people who love the program and have good success with it. I'd love to hear from you if it worked or not.

In my next blog we'll talk about Atkins.... ah, delicious meat! LOL.

Love, laughter and light,

Mrs. ChildFun

Monday, January 26, 2009

Time to get this blog rolling...

The story behind this blog started before this blog started. Ha. How's THAT for confusing? My mom was morbidly obese. So was her mother. So was her mother. So was her mother. Gee, seeing a pattern here? My only genetic hope is my father's family was slim. My mom always said I looked like him and acted like him. Maybe there is hope for me yet!

Anyway, I have always struggled with my weight. I wasn't obese as a child, but I wasn't slim either. And because not only was I not the slim one, I was also the REALLY poor one in a town full of fricking snobs, and so I got picked on. I can still hear the joyful calls of "Fatty Fatty Two by Four Can't Fit Through Any Door." Oh, what a joyful childhood I had. NOT!

Well, after 6th grade hit, so did I! My baby fat turned into curves and as a teen, I had a pretty nice body. Looking back at photos, I was pretty decent. But my childhood stuck with me, and of course, I still thought I was fat. Ugh. Eating disorders! That's a whole nother chapter of my life that I don't want to discuss here, but I am just giving some background as to how I got where I am today.

Fast forward to adulthood. My weight hovered about 130-145. I looked good, but would have looked better and felt better if I could lose 10-15 pounds. Between 120-130 I feel and look great. Feeling good of course being the most important!

Anyway, I met the most wonderful man in the whole world. Got married. Had three kids. Not to skim over them, they are my everything, but this blog isn't about them. It's about my fat ass. HA! I gained a lot of weight with my first two pregnancies, then lost it, then did a little better on my third, but never really lost it all. After my daughter, the lowest I went to was 150. Then things went haywire.

Over the next several years, stress sort of took over. My husband and I had some issues to work on with each other. We had financial problems. We had car problems. We had just problems that every young couple goes through. Then 9/11 came. It changed my life. I know it changed many people in many ways. For me, it made me take a good hard look at my life, and how much I love my family and how I wanted to be around them forever, so I did the one thing I could to insure that I would be here as long as possible....

On October 2, 2001 I quit smoking. That is where this journey begins, because that is the event that changed my life and my weight to go up dramatically. It was slow at first. 5 pounds here. 10 there. I kept fooling myself and telling myself it was okay, because I was healthier not smoking. Yeah, but I was drowning myself in food. Unhealthy fat filled crap. Then I had foot surgery. Packed on more pounds. It spiraled out of control.

By the middle of 2004, I was up to 198 pounds! I knew I couldn't let myself go over 200 pounds. So, I joined the YMCA and started going regularly. I swam, I walked, I lifted weights, I did it all! The pounds were melting away.

By the time March 2005 rolled around, I was down to 170 pounds. I was feeling wonderful. I was working out on a regular schedule, my husband and I were past all our issues from our younger years and had settled into a wonderful comfortable best friend/lover relationship and my mother had moved to my town to spend more time with her grand kids. Life was finally going the way it should.

Now, remember I said she was morbidly obese? Ya, she was. She had a lot of medical issues because of it too. A LOT. Diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart problems, knee problems, getting out of bed problems, walking problems. I mean, she was a ticking time bomb. Her life was really sad. She was so fat she couldn't drive or walk or do most things on her own. And it made her sad. So she ate more. I never knew for sure how much she weighed, but I think she was close to 500 pounds. Boy, how can someone let themselves go that badly? I knew I would never do that to myself. I worked out longer and harder every chance I got.

In fact, I went every weekday. The kids left for school, I left for the gym. Until March 3. That was the day I got done with my shower after working out and saw that I had 26 missed phone calls. The first few were from Mom. The next few were from Lifeline. You know the "I've fallen and can't get up people." Listening to the voice mails was like someone was ripping off my fingernails. It was that painful.

The first couple of Mom said things like, "Honey, I don't feel so good. I am having trouble breathing. Call me back." The next was "Honey, I can't breathe. I am scared. Where are you?" The next was hard to understand because she sounded so bad, but the gyst of it was that she was calling 911.

She ended up pressing her lifeline button, and they called me. By the time I got all these calls, Mom was in the emergency room fighting for her life. Congestive heart failure. When I walked in, she looked awful. She had this giant mask on her face, and her eyes were scared. For the first time in her life, it finally dawned on her what all her horrible eating habits had done. Her eyes were sad and she looked at me and said, "Where were you when I needed you?" The guilt washed over me in waves.

I always knew she was a very selfish person but that's a whole nother blog too. Again, this one is about me and how I got to where I am today. She is just background right now. But, that one comment sent me into a tailspin. I never left her side. I stayed every minute of every day. It didn't take long. I didn't leave her side until the limosine pulled away from her gravesite....

And then I ate. And drank. I drank more than I ate. But then I'd get drunk and eat. And I stayed drunk for a long time. Staying drunk doesn't really erase guilt, but it made a nifty temporary bandage. That 170 I worked so hard to attain easily slipped away. The scale numbers flew up and I didn't care. I couldn't go workout. I was frozen. My mother needed me, and I was being selfish and working on me. What kind of daughter was I? Blah. Guilt sucks.

The months flew by. Fast forward to February 2006. Now, another blog would be all my health issues of a female concern. To make a long story short, I needed a hysterectomy. That sucked. What sucked more was the morning of surgery when they made me step on a scale and I saw this most disgusting thing. 235 flashed at me. 235 pounds. In less than one year I had gained 65 pounds. WOW! Part of it I blamed on the antidepressants I was taking, but a lot of it was just me....

And THAT is where this story begins. With a number. 235. That is where it all begins for real. Stick with me on this journey. Not sure where we will end up, but no matter where, it will be a wild ride!

Love, laughter and light,

Mrs. ChildFun